A bit burned out

I BBQ-ed wings and flipped hamburgers before. I can tell you it is not easy to be a good BBQ cook. If you don't flip the wings or burgers every now and then. If you forget to flip them it will burn out and you get the real "BBQed" wings and burgers. "NO Thanks!" that's cancerous food. I go to church every time the doors is open. I ran a small but highly energetic youth fellowship and youth ministry. I also work full time. Attend my own young professional / university fellowship. Spent time on my precious photography hobby. Drove some people to and from church. And I even managed to lose 30+ lb for the past year. My goodness - next time I will make sure to take out my watch and car keys and wallet out of my jeans and wear something lighter before stepping on the scale at the doctor's office... because they do add up. :) This time I went back to get another yearly physical exam, crazy to hear the doctor tell me I need to lose some more extra weight... this time I made sure to shed the wallet, the car keys, my Guess watch and the jeans out before stepping on the scale... now it kinda fixated in my neurons the scale at the doctor's office!!! The scale in my bathroom has correct reading... in my computation I am pretty sure that my BMI is actually at a good index and I think the doctor should go take an CT scan himself instead of me!!! Anyways, I am grateful to God for giving me that youthfulness and that bounty of energy accorded to me. I feel I still can find some time out to chill / relax - no beer or alcohol - just a walk in my secret garden - but yet my candles seem to flicker faster and may not last through the night. It's so romantic to have chocolate melt next to your candle. LoL. :)

My body cannot take caffeine or other stimulants anymore... hence it gets exhausting and my body is denying me to walk on water - however I should walk on water more often - heeding that call from my good Shepherd - Christ - I feel that I have to do a lot more to improve in all areas of His ministry, digging out hidden talents to serve Him. Whether it is singing, whether it is simply making a phone calls to cheer up / encourage someone. Whether it is helping a sister in the middle of the night writing a paper or even just chatting up with her and after finishing up all these activities - I would like to do more - it is simply doing God's work. However honestly I feel a bit burned out to fully commit to God to have faith in Him, to fully trust Him - as I do all by my own strength and deny His strength in us. Lately I do feel the pain in my arms - it is denying me to fully enjoy the work I do on a daily basis - it is painful - yet I should cast away all my anxieties and stop complaining... I don't complain a lot in my life because it doesn't help - but this time it hit upon me to the core. Not to function fully. Then I think again - a small woman like Mother Theresa who had endured so much and work so hard to hold up sick people in her hands until God called her back to His Heavenly Kingdom - not just touches me but really encourage me. Pope John Paul II had Parkinson's disease yet - he continued to work so hard for God until God called him back to Heaven - How did they get their strength from? Not from man's strength obviously! But from God Almighty! That's richness of being instead of richness of having. Being joyful to serve God in all kinds of ministry and to serve Him with love. No wonder Mother Theresa and Pope John Paul II are saints! They certainly have good work / life balance, good leadership skills and a love for serving God as they love God without second thoughts. When God calls you - you better pick up the "phone".

There got to be a balance to fix this burned out situation. I realize my good friend went back to France recently from Malaysia on a 10 hours flight just to be with his wife at the airport to pick her up and also their twin infant sons and return immediately with their sons to Malaysia. No he was not a pilot. He just wanted to accompany them safely back to Malaysia. Such is the life of a joyful and loving family. I did spend countless nights picking up a friend in the middle of the night and take her home from her studies. Drove her home from her work. Fixed a few diner plates for her. Just because she is your friend. Your special friend. You would exercise just for her. You will serenade just for her. You will do crazy things to woo her. Once you have done all the wooing... and you have knelt down on your knees to propose her. She raised your hands up and say - "YES Lord!" and you say "Yes Yes Lord!" ring that tone of that songs... Thank You God! HAHAHA. This is called passion. Once you are passionate about something - about a girl, you will do whatever it takes to impress her. You have no second thoughts. You just do it. You will sacrifice your time, your health, your waking hours praying for her. You will hang out at the movies. You will take long walks in the park. Seating at a cafe sipping with chocolate cup on hand. You are insane! You never tire for what you love to do and never tire for what you hold dear... even crazy things.

So think of Christ's life - His life is pretty balanced! Walking with friends (his disciples). Dining with his family. Attending weddings. Talking to strangers. Healing the sicks. Preaching to the masses. Talking to wannabe kings. All the while taking the time to fast in the wilderness and pray. He was never in a hurry, he balanced his walk. He was never anxious... as even to comfort behaved friends. He was not frustrated... even to his sleeping disciples. Until the last day of His life on the cross. He kept the last breadth for you for us. Walk with Him - take it easy, speak with gentleness, may the fruit of the Holy Spirit - such that love, peace, joy, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control ripen in our lives.

What is truly essential is that we trust a sovereign God - He will mold and shape us according to His will. We have that assurance that he will lift us up when we fall down, provide for tomorrow what is needed just for us. Comfort us and bring joy to us when we are down. So long we are fixated upon Him.

Now I'm burned out - it is past midnight! I just killed quiet a lot of neurons and without caffeine and didn't flip any burgers. I am pretty hungry actually. Umh... I'm thinking about some melting chocolate and croissant for breakfast. I will not be burned out but always light up the fire on my candle because He lives! :)